There are few taboos about bodies in our culture that are as strong as the ones we have about menstruation. Even in this day and age, we struggle to talk about it, try to hide it when it happens, and load it with negative associations. Combine that with all of society’s baggage about sexuality, and it’s no wonder that the subject of period sex is such a charged one.
Today is Menstrual Hygiene Day, so it seemed like the perfect time to post some straight dope about having sex while on your period. People’s preferences tend to be very polarized—they either love it or they hate it. Whichever side you come down on is fine, but if you’re avoiding it because you were taught it was “unnatural” or served up outright myths about it, read on!
Is it normal? Is it safe?
Period sex is completely normal. Many, many people of all genders don’t just tolerate it but actually enjoy it. And as long as everyone involved is enthusiastically consenting to it, it’s as safe as non-menstrual sex.
You CAN still get pregnant while on your period, so don’t assume you can skip your usual contraceptives. And STIs can be contracted through menstrual blood as with other bodily fluids. Use the same safer-sex methods you would normally use with your partner to reduce the risk of transmission.
The TV show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend defied taboos with their wonderfully over-the-top musical number about the joys and realities of period sex, saying out loud what many of us don’t talk about at all.
Otherwise, the only other thing to watch out for is pain or heightened sensitivity—if your partner knows that your nipples are sore or that your clitoris needs a lighter touch than usual, they can adjust to your comfort and pleasure.
Dealing with the “ick” factor
Perhaps the biggest reason people hold back from trying period sex is that they’re worried about it being gross—the sight and volume of blood, the smell, the taste.
It’s possible to get past that simply by consciously reminding yourself that menstruation is totally natural and that the idea that it’s “disgusting” comes from negative social, political, and religious messaging in a sex-negative, body-negative culture. Sometimes, it just takes time and experience to see that it’s not such a big deal after all.
If you’re really uncomfortable with it, though, there are some ways to handle it. A menstrual disc is designed to sit flush against the cervix and allow for penetrative sex without blood. Having sex in the tub or shower can also keep most of the blood washed away.
Using a menstrual cup or tampon and washing before sex allows for oral sex without the smell or taste of menstrual blood. However, if it’s within your safer-sex agreements and your partner doesn’t mind it, there’s no harm in them ingesting any of it either.
The benefits of period sex
The good news: There are a lot of great reasons to have sex while menstruating! It can relieve pain from cramps, speed up uterine shedding to shorten your period a day or two, and the consistency of menstrual blood is “cushiony” enough to make it a great lube.
What’s more, many people who get periods report feeling extra-horny as well as more easily aroused than usual during those days. Something that might be “oh that’s nice” most of the time might put you through the roof with orgasmic pleasure during your period!
How to do it
If you don’t have a partner currently, or your partner is really opposed to having sex during your period, take the time to enjoy some solo pleasure. Masturbation is also “real” sex, and you might even feel less anxious if you’re not worried about a partner’s reactions. Use some toys and have fun exploring the ways your body experiences pleasure while you’re bleeding.
If your partner is into the idea but one or both of you is still feeling a little squeamish, you can focus on kissing, caressing, nipple play, and other intimate contact that isn’t genital-focused. Or, you can skip vaginal penetration in favor of oral sex, anal play, or hand jobs.
Protect furniture and sheets with a towel, a washable waterproof sex blanket like Liberator’s, or disposable chucks. Keep an extra hand towel or paper towels nearby for wiping your hands or other quick cleanups.
Whatever position you’re comfortable in is totally fine, but missionary and doggie-style tend to be best for limiting where the blood goes.
Ultimately, it’s up to you
There’s nothing wrong with you if you consider all of this and still decide that you just want to skip that whole week sexually. It doesn’t matter if you’re not in the mood emotionally, if you’re in too much pain, if you don’t feel sexy, or if you just don’t like it—your reasons are valid. It doesn’t make you less worldly or sex-positive if you just don’t want to do it.
However, if you feel like you’re fine with it, go forth and have lots of sexy, steamy fun—you might even enjoy the sort of primal messiness of it! Revel in the fact that you don’t have to miss out on sex for almost a quarter of every month.
