It’s very common to have a ‘complicated relationship’ with your orgasm. If you don’t orgasm during partnered sex, often feel yourself getting close to orgasm but never quite reach the fireworks explosions that you’ve read about, or don’t even know what your orgasm feels like, or even if you’d just like to understand your orgasm better, you’re not alone.
In our “Own Your O” workshop on women’s sexual pleasure, we explore orgasms from a slightly different perspective than you’ll find in a lot of articles and other media– a pleasure-focused and informed one. That means that we focus less on the orgasm itself as an ultimate goal, and more on self-exploration and learning to talk about your pleasure. (Which often leads to more orgasms!) So what does it mean to “own your orgasm”? *Spoiler alert*: it will look different to every person.
First off, everyone experiences orgasm a little differently, and every individual person can also have many different intensities and lengths of climax. Maybe one type of stimulation, like a vibrator, will lead to a tiny, concentrated orgasm. And one kind of oral stimulation might lead to a prolonged, yet less-intense grand finale, while another kind might result in something earth-shattering. It’s important to remember that no orgasm has more value than another, even though you may prefer one over another. Our goal at Lotus Blooms is to try help you learn what you like and figure out how to keep it coming the way you want it to. (Pun intended!)
How do we do this? We try to break down the process of arousal and talk with nuance about stimulation so that you can identify the ways in which your body experiences pleasure. To us, owning your orgasm means knowing the different types of touch- soft or firm, direct or indirect on the clitoris, fast or slow circles, or ovals, or side-to-side motions. It means understanding the pleasure center that your entire body is, finding ways to pinpoint and describe which places feel the best to have touched, and learning at what point during the play session it feels best to receive that touch.
Did you know that at different points in the arousal process, it’s likely that you’ll prefer specific types of strokes, or more pressure, in particular places? Have you ever given yourself the time and opportunity to figure out which and when? Do you know if your clitoris is more sensitive on the right side or the left side? Do you know what kinds of feelings different orgasms bring you- both physically and emotionally? Or have you ever tried to describe “what feels good” to someone else and ended up getting frustrated? We know what that’s like; we’ve been in that boat before. So we’ve come up with ways to help find the language to describe your experiences and wants and needs.
While it’s not for everyone, self-pleasure can be a wonderfully empowering way to learn your body. Some people use their newfound self-awareness to have conversations about what would make partnered sex better. Some people use masturbation to de-stress. And lots of people use it simply to feel good. And while we’ve used the word “orgasm” maaaaaany times in this article, the orgasm should be one benefit of a focus on pleasure. In other words, the journey to the orgasm should feel just as good as the elusive orgasm you’re trying to get to, otherwise, what’s the point?
Watch our calendar for our next session of “Own Your O”– we offer it every few months in the store. Join us in a safe, relaxed, welcoming space as we talk about the path to pleasure, the anatomy of pleasure, and giving yourself permission to explore your own body. Our goal is for you to not only accept your body, but to also be comfortable in it and enjoy it!
