It’s May, and that means—you guessed it!—it’s time to celebrate National Masturbation Month!
This year, it feels especially important that we embrace the benefits of masturbation. By now, many of us have been quarantined due to the coronavirus crisis for 2 months or more, and lots of people are sheltering alone and/or have been under tremendous stress. Masturbation doesn’t replace physical contact with another person, we know, and some people’s sex drives have checked out completely. Still, giving yourself sexual pleasure can be a comforting and grounding way to stay in touch with your physical self when you’re isolated, and the stress relief that solo sex offers can be a lifeline when things feel overwhelming.
We wanted to give you some tips this week on how to make the most of your self-love time, but first, let’s remember the origins of National Masturbation Month and pay tribute to the Black woman who inspired it.
So why do we have National Masturbation Month at all?
Some of you will be old enough to remember the AIDS crisis of the 80’s and early 90’s, and in particular the way that sex was demonized by those who preferred to blame “loose” people and especially queer people for being sexual rather than focusing on treatment and reasonable prevention. In 1994, Joycelyn Elders was the first Black female Surgeon General of the United States. She was quite progressive, especially for the time, and one of the ways that she was progressive was in how sex-positive she was.
At the United Nations World AIDS Day in 1994, Dr. Elders was a speaker, and an audience member asked her whether masturbation could be a way to help young people avoid sexual intimacy with others before they were ready. She replied, “I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught.”
That, it turned out, was enough to get her fired from her position. It was blown up into a media circus with detractors accusing her of wanting to give dildos to kindergartners among other ridiculous ideas. (Wouldn’t it be great if we could say we’ve evolved as a society since then?)
In 1995, our colleagues in the sex shop industry, the founders of San Francisco-based Good Vibrations, decided to designate May as National Masturbation Month. They wanted to get people talking about Dr. Elders’ sex-positive position and the unfairness of her firing, and to get people talking in general about how natural, healthy, and normal masturbation really is. The idea took off, and 25 years later, here we are!
So when you celebrate National Masturbation Month with a big smile on your face, remember that you have a Black woman to thank for it.
Masturbation is good for you!
We get it. It’s still hard to talk about masturbation or admit that you do it—and there are lots of people who don’t do it at all because of the stigmas surrounding it. There are still so many myths and misconceptions out there, like:
- People who masturbate are “losers” who can’t have “real sex” with someone else
- Masturbation means you’re unhappy with your partner
- You can get addicted to masturbation
- You can lose sensation from masturbating too much
- Masturbating is gross and weird
- People who masturbate are creepy
- Masturbating means you’re sex-crazed
- You can’t be faithful to your partner and still masturbate—you should “save it” for them
On and on! Of course, absolutely none of this is true. We firmly believe that solo sex is real sex! It’s not cheating, it’s not gross or creepy, and you’re not going to ruin your life by doing it (at least, not in appropriate circumstances).
Let’s talk instead about how great masturbation is. As we mentioned above, it’s a great stress reliever and floods your brain with happy chemicals. It can help relax you enough to sleep, or make you feel more alert. It can help you learn your own body—to know where and how you like to be touched. It allows you to have sexual pleasure that’s totally self-focused, without being concerned about anyone else’s enjoyment. It puts you in control of your sexual pleasure, so that you can have it when and how often you want it without having to wait to have a partner (or your partner’s availability). It can overall make you happier, calmer, and healthier. Best of all, it’s fun!
Some tips for truly satisfying self-love
Maybe you’ve never really let yourself explore your own body, for one reason or another. Maybe you’re in a bit of a rut, feeling like masturbation is okay but kind of been-there-done-that. Maybe you’ve gotten out of a relationship recently and are just rediscovering yourself. Or maybe you’ve had the quarantine blues and are hoping that some solo sex will bring you joy and comfort.
Let’s talk tips! Here are some ways to up your masturbation game and maybe explore your sexual pleasure in a whole new way:
- Touch yourself—ALL over. Especially now, when human contact is in such short supply, skin hunger can become starvation. Expand your caresses beyond your erogenous zones in order to enjoy sensory pleasure all over your body. Massage your own hands and arms, stroke your belly or legs, brush your hair, rub your feet, touch yourself in gentle, loving ways.
- Try a new toy. If you’ve only ever used your hand to masturbate, or maybe relied on one trusty toy, get yourself a #quarantreat and explore something new. Maybe an airflow vibrator like the Satisfyer over a traditional vibe, or a penis vibrator like the Hot Octopuss Pulse III Solo.
- Expand your definition. Masturbation isn’t limited to a penis or vulva! You can use anal toys to pleasure yourself, or nipple toys if your nipples are erogenous zones for you. Combine them with other genital stimulation for a mind-blowing experience!
- Spice it up. Are you kinky, or BDSM-curious? Being alone doesn’t mean you can’t have any kinky fun. There are plenty of ways to top yourself, whether it’s using an impact toy long enough to spank yourself with, using a violet wand or candles on yourself, or placing clamps or clothespins in strategic locations. You can even engage in light self-bondage, though PLEASE never put yourself into any restraints that you can’t easily slip out of when you’re on your own.
- Take your time. Many of us have all the time in the world right now, so make use of it! If you’re used to masturbation being a quick one off the wrist, try giving yourself a whole evening (or morning—does time even mean anything anymore?) to pleasure yourself. Put on your favorite lingerie, read erotica or watch a porn, massage yourself, play with different ways to stimulate yourself, as many times as you want.
- Go vocal. If you’re sheltering alone, or living with a partner (or even a roommate!) who doesn’t mind a little sexy noise, give yourself permission to make some. Moan, groan, scream, gasp, talk dirty to yourself! The benefit of vocalizing is that it requires you to take deep breaths, which increases your pleasure.
- Make a date with yourself. If you’re having trouble fitting in some solo sex before you fall asleep watching Netflix on the couch, schedule it—and keep that promise to yourself. Let it be something you look forward to all day, and communicate to yourself that your pleasure is a priority as much as sleeping, eating, and obsessively checking social media.
- Take a photo or video. If you can “set it and forget it”, or have a remote for your phone’s camera (some styluses work as one) or external camera, capture yourself in the throes and enjoy it later—or share it with your lover, if you’re feeling bold.
- Explore your fantasies. What turns you on? Are there things that get you hot that you haven’t let yourself think about? This is your private time, so let your mind wander. You can check out porn and erotica that match those desires, if you need inspiration!
Now that you’re armed with ideas and reassurances that masturbation is healthy and pleasure is good for you, we hope you’ll go forth and celebrate the lusty month of May with full-bodied enthusiasm!
