Are worried you’re not masturbating correctly?
One of the most recurring themes we talk about with customers at Lotus Blooms is the idea of “being normal.” From the look of our genitals, to the way we use toys, to the toys we choose to use- how long we use them, and how we experience orgasm or pleasure from them. These are all questions people ask us on a regular basis. It seems to us that, in order to be able to focus on and experience the pleasure of orgasm, many people need to be reassured that they aren’t the only ones doing it that way, that they are in fact doing it “right.” Here’s what we have to say about that…
“If it feels good, do it! If it doesn’t, find something else that does!” And while it might sound a bit oversimplified, think about it. What is your goal when masturbating? If your ultimate goal is to experience pleasure, get some release, and relax- then however that happens- do it! Even if it feels unadventurous because you’re doing the same over and over again. As long as your masturbation technique is not causing unwanted pain, then you are doing it correctly!
What the conversation of normal often glides over, is the fact that normal looks and feels very different to different people. Some bodies like intense, direct stimulation on places like the glans of the clit or the tip of the penis. Other bodies get overstimulated by direct touch- either with a vibe or with a finger- and prefer more surface area to be touched with less intensity (and maybe a lower power setting on the toy). Some people can orgasm from a vibe in two-three minutes, and other people like to take their me-time to the next level and pull out all the stops- candles, wine, music, and a couple hours of sensualizing themselves. ALL AWESOME!
If you’re still a bit unsure of yourself or looking to change it up a bit? Check out just a few of our suggestions below, or come visit one of our sex educators in store to have a more personalized conversation!
OMGYES: the ultimate toolbox for those with vulvas. This is a phenomenal resource for those who would like to learn more about their vulvas and how to touch them. It uses infographics and real-person interviews to break down differences in consistency, pressure, and location of touch to give you a ton more ways to explore play. Get in touch (get it) with your body!
Tenga Eggs: While typically marketed as a stroker for penises (which these are great for!) these soft, squishy sleeves are friends to most genitals. Pop one onto the head of a Magic Wand to give a softer feel against the sensitive labia. Or, stretch one over your hand and fingers (with lube of course) and go to town with the new techniques you learned from OMGyes. Bodies tend to looove the added padded layer of softness.
We-Vibe Tango: Does your body like powerful, rumbly, consistent vibrations on that one specific spot? This bullet or lipstick style vibe has a perfectly angled tip to hit those nerve endings that are just begging for vibration! Do you tend to like direct stimulation on the clit, but want to change it up so that your body can learn to find pleasure from a range of stimulation types? Switch back and forth between the Tango and your fingers– tease your clit toward orgasm with the vibe and pull the toy away before you get there. Then, use your fingers to build arousal back up. This is a great technique for people who get worried they won’t be able to orgasm with a partner after using a vibrator. Not to worry! Just teach your body that there are LOTS of paths toward orgasm, by changing it up regularly.
Sliquid Silver Silicone Lube: We’d be remiss to go a whole post on masturbating without talking about lube. Silicone lube is the perfect pairing for people looking to enhance their skin-to-skin contact play. Whether is your own or your partners’ fingers and genitals- Sliquid Silver is a phenomenal, body-safe, latex safe, odorless, tasteless, slippery, wonderful lube. Especially for the beginning of play before all the juices get flowing or when touch tends to be focused more externally, Sliquid Silver helps to reduce that negative (chafe-y) friction that can sometimes start a session off a bit too rough. Just don’t use it with most of your silicone toys.
Satisfyer: Looking to add a new sensation to your masturbation sessions? The Satisfyer is designed to suck! With the goal of simulating an oral sex experience in mind, the Satisfyer’s easy-to-hold, suction stimulation experience is a great, new and different addition to a collection of traditional vibrators. This is great for bodies who like or require direct clitoral stimulation, as it surrounds the head of the clitoris and provides a very localized stimulation. Also a great option for people who find that their bodies require longer periods of ‘ramping up’ to become aroused- we suggest trying this out for few minutes first- either before masturbating or partner play- and then moving on to other toys!
Dorr Iora OR the We-Vibe Nova: Looking for a rabbit- a toy to provide both internal and external stimulation simultaneously? Look no further. The Dorr Iora provides a girthy sensation of fullness with a great amount of weight for rocking against the g-spot. Plus it has two motors- one to vibrate internally and one to vibrate against the clit. Does your body like more focused external stimulation and less girthy internal? Then the We-Vibe Nova is right up your…. alley. The Nova has a larger, more powerful external motor than most rabbit style vibes, plus it’s flexible, which means it can maintain contact with the clit during penetrative motions. Genius!
Just remember- focus your brain on creating pleasure, breathe into the touches, and enjoy the experience. This is you-time! Don’t worry about how others do it… unless that gets you going. *wink*
