If the words “sex education” conjure up memories of awkward high school health classes, or put you in mind of heated political controversy, there’s a whole world of sexy skill-building and exploration out there just waiting to make your life more amazing. As an education-based sex store that offers weekly workshops with staff and guest educators, we love turning people on to the idea of continually learning more about sex and their sexuality! I decided to take this week to talk about some of the reasons why you might want to go “back to school” for a little adult sex ed.
Most of us never really think about sex as something we need to learn anything else about as adults, unless there’s a specific new thing we want to try. It’s just kind of assumed that once you’re sexually active, you pretty much know what you need to know, like eating or bathing or driving a car. It can also feel weird to think about going to a workshop or class with other people to learn about sex—like it means you’re admitting you’re not “good at” sex, or that you’re obsessed with it in a way that’s not “normal”, or maybe you’re worried about what kind of people go to sex classes.
Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s totally normal, and that once you start to see how much there is to explore and learn, you’ll be excited to build your skills and give yourself the gift of some sexy self-care. Check out our reasons why you should give it a shot, and you’ll get a better idea what to expect from the experience (helps with the nervousness!
- You probably never really learned to have sex: Honestly, most of us didn’t. If we were lucky, we got the basic mechanics in school, with maybe a parent or older sibling or friend who answered some questions. Everything else was some combination of imitating what we saw in movies or porn or read in the “good parts” of steamy books, and figuring things out with our partners. Not all of us got good or complete information, and what we learned was how to have sex with our partners’ bodies specifically, not necessarily how to have sex, period. As a culture, we just don’t place a lot of value—and we put a lot of taboo—on the idea of learning straight-up sexual techniques and the anatomy of pleasure. Taking a class can help any of us fill in knowledge we might not even have realized we were missing.
2. It’s like taking a class in anything else you’re interested in: What do you enjoy doing with your time? Do you love to cook? Play music? Decorate your house? There are a lot of skills and interests you can do pretty well on your own or by reading up on them, but when something brings a lot of pleasure to your life, isn’t it even more enjoyable to take some classes and really level up your knowledge and techniques? It’s the same thing with sex. What’s weird about wanting to get some “gourmet” level game with something that’s a major part of your life?
3. Bodies are unique, yet universal: No two bodies experience sexual pleasure exactly the same way—but at the same time, there’s a lot that anatomy can tell us about what’s likely to be pleasurable for different areas of our genitals and for our bodies overall. Why do some spots respond to pressure vs. friction? Why do we have erogenous zones outside our genitals? What can we do to make our bodies more comfortable in order to enjoy sex longer? Workshops and classes can help us learn more about what’s uniquely pleasurable to our own bodies and our partner(s)’ by teaching us more about how sex is experienced in bodies in general.
4. We have better info all the time: Did you know that we didn’t know the complete anatomy of the clitoris—including how big it actually is—until 1998? To put that in perspective, someone born in 1998 wouldn’t be old enough to legally drink yet! If you have access to workshops like ours at an education-based sex shop or to classes with reputable sex educators or sex-positive organizations, you can learn from cutting-edge research and possibly discover that things you learned years ago have come a long way since then.
5. It’s a great date night—or friend date: If you’re in a relationship (or more than one), what could be hotter than taking a class together in something you can try out as soon as you get home? You can explore a totally new interest together, or check out a topic that’s already one of your favorite things and see if you can get even better. If your friends are up for something a little different, it can be less nerve-wracking (if more giggly) to get each other’s backs rather than go it alone. At Lotus Blooms, we’re also in the heart of a beautiful boutique district full of independent shops, salons and great places to get dinner or drinks, so it’s ready-made for either a total treat-yourself day or a full romantic night out.
6. It’s not as weird as you think it will be: It’s natural to be nervous! Society hangs all its sexual hang-ups on us, and if you haven’t been to an adult store or workshop before, you might think you’ll be uncomfortable. On the contrary: Any adult sex ed worth its price of admission is going to make a real effort to make the space feel welcoming and safe and to make you feel okay about being there. In our workshops, for example, the people around you are going to be just like people you’d meet anywhere. The tone is lighthearted and even playful, and you’ll laugh and enjoy yourself even as you’re getting quality information. If you’re on your own, you probably won’t even be the only person flying solo. With almost any class you find anywhere, there’s unlikely to be any nudity or live demonstration unless the description explicitly says so, and no reputable class will ever make you participate in anything that makes you uncomfortable.
7. It’s a safe space to explore: Maybe you’re curious about kink. Maybe you’re finding yourself attracted to a different gender than you have been before. Maybe you fantasize about anal play but are scared of hurting yourself. Maybe you’ve never had an orgasm. Whatever it is within your sexuality that you haven’t fully learned or discovered, taking a class about it is a way to get your questions answered (trust me, your educator has heard it all and will be happy to answer you!) and learn about common experiences, fears, problems, fantasies, and delights in a totally non-judgmental, neutral setting. It could be the thing you need to help you bring up a longtime desire to your partner(s), or to give you the confidence to seek out a new scene or partner.
8. You don’t just have to suffer: To be clear—taking a sex class doesn’t mean that there’s something “wrong” with you or that you’re not “good at” sex. But sometimes, there is a problem. Maybe you and your partner(s) are having difficulty connecting, or you’re not enjoying sex, or you might be dealing with pain or a changing body or overcoming trauma. Maybe you just don’t feel sexy these days and don’t know why. You don’t have to just live with that! A single class or workshop might not be enough, and we encourage seeking more specialized help if you need it. But taking a class might be part of your healing, and your educator should be able to recommend more resources to you if you’re just starting to figure out what you need to do. Being sex-positive, to us, doesn’t mean that we assume sex is always going to be easy or great—it just means that we believe everyone has the right and the freedom to acknowledge when it isn’t and to seek out what you need to have full sexual health and wellness.
9. You learn to use your words: Talking about sex can be hard. It can feel so awkward and embarrassing that we’ll do anything to avoid it. But something happens when you go to sex workshops: You hear people talking about all those details, and using all the words, like it’s no big deal…and soon it starts to feel like less of a big deal. And on top of that, you’ll learn more and better ways to communicate with your partner and talk about your bodies or the things you’re doing with them. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to reach the point where you feel confident enough that you can tell your partner exactly what you like, how you’d like them to do it, where you want it, and do it without struggling to figure out what to say?
10. You’re empowered to have better sex: All of this comes down to one simple thing—that taking sex classes helps you have a better sex life on your terms, whatever that looks like for you. If you’re single, you can learn to be a great sex partner to yourself and/or to take the time to build skills that will delight your next partner. If you’re partnered, you can deepen your intimacy, improve your communication, and maybe try out some fantasies you share. Either way, you don’t have to feel like sexual fulfillment is something beyond your control. And since your satisfaction with your sexuality has a big impact on your physical and emotional health, your confidence, and your overall happiness, giving time and energy towards learning more about sex means that’s probably going to ripple out into many areas of your life.
Finally, here’s a bonus reason—it’s just fun! Sex is healthy and pleasure is good for you, and I can say as an educator and someone who talks onstage about sex all the time that when we take a playful, open approach to learning about it, it just feels great. It’s a normal part of life that we should all be able to talk freely about and enjoy. So take a deep breath, let out all that nervous laughter, and come visit us on King Street (or at your local equivalent of Lotus Blooms) and have a great time learning to have great sex.
