If your Facebook feed is anything like mine, you’ve been aware of the Halloween countdown on a daily basis since, oh, mid-August at least. And along with all the excitement and Hocus Pocus memes, as always there are also shall we say lively debates—like why every feminine-styled costume seems to be a “sexy” version of something, and whether that’s a bad thing.
There’s a strong argument to be made about how Halloween costume manufacturers reinforce harmful gender stereotypes when they create men’s and women’s versions of the same costume and only the women’s version is hyper-eroticized. And sometimes, the element of “sexy” seems downright silly in a specific context (sexy corn on the cob…?) or offensive, if it also crosses over with cringe-worthy cultural appropriation or other social problems. If that was all there was to it, it’d be an easy answer.
But here’s the thing—a lot of people, regardless of gender, really really want to dress up sexy for Halloween. And often, the reaction against sexy costumes starts out well-intentioned but quickly starts sliding sideways into sex-negative talk and slut-shaming, as if we should all be at parties or clubs in ankle-length dresses giving out our IQ test results instead of our phone numbers.
Obviously, as a sex-positive store that sells feminine-styled lingerie and apparel, we’re always in favor of everyone regardless of gender embracing their sexy selves in whatever way feels right for them, including on Halloween (by the way, have you seen our very first Halloween Lookbook?) But that aside, I’ve got some thoughts to offer about why it’s so popular to go wild for the night and why it’s actually a normal and healthy desire.
Masks encourage sexual exploration
I’ve got news for you—the desire to don a sexy costume is not a modern invention. Ever since ancient humans first began covering their faces to pretend to be someone or something else, there have been traditions of public festivals or religious ceremonies where the use of masks allowed participants to cross-dress, step outside their class roles, and yes, get their freak on. By the Middle Ages and Renaissance in Europe, masquerade balls and festivals like Carnivale in Venice were popular largely because it allowed for semi-public sex play, gender reversals, and bringing sex workers to “proper” settings.
Even when masks aren’t really fooling anyone, the sense of mystery and anonymity they create make us all more comfortable behaving in ways that are outside our norm. For many people, it’s one of the very few times they feel brave enough to express secret desires or “try on” aspects of sexuality that can lead to greater authenticity and sexual self-awareness.
Wild parties are good for community, relationships, and bonding
“Why do human beings like big festivals and parties?” is a bit beyond the scope of this post, but the Cliff’s Notes version is that anthropologists and sociologists have studied the ways that playing and dancing in big groups is one of the ways that humans build and strengthen community, bond with one another, form relationships, and experience a sort of endorphin-driven pleasure high off of the shared experience. When we have those wild Halloween parties, it’s a time to let go of stress, embrace pure pleasure, experience joy, and step outside the daily grind. In short, it’s the same state of mind we’re in when we’re ready to have sex! It’s pretty natural to want to dress up in something that makes us feel desirable and show off our bodies in ways we don’t usually get to do—especially when everyone around us is doing it too.
Halloween is all about fantasy
Even though Halloween has decidedly religious roots, it’s become a day that celebrates dreams, fantasies, and imagination. From the time we were kids, picking out costumes was often about showing off some fantasy version of who we wanted to be.
As adults, we get the chance to play out some of our sexual fantasies in a public way that feels deliciously daring and at the same time socially safe. Even better, we get approval for it! Anyone who’s ever had to come out about some aspect of their sexuality can tell you that there’s a tremendous feeling of relief, happiness, and acceptance when you tell your truth and find it celebrated and embraced. It may be on a smaller scale (or maybe not…) to share your swaggering dominant side, your naughty-nurse fantasy, or your kittenish desire for strokes and scritches, but it still feels wonderful to say “this is what I fantasize about” and to feel like your fantasy is normal.
Eros and Thanatos
Halloween is all about the spooky—the shadows, the scares, the shivery delights, the strange fascination with the symbols of death. Any Psychology 101 book will at some point delve into Freud’s theory of the links between eros (life, including but not limited to sexuality) and thanatos (death and decay). Whatever you think of old Siggy’s ideas, there’s no denying that American culture has drawn deep connections between fun-scary stuff and fun-sexy stuff. Whether it’s horror movies drenched in graphic sex scenes or the popularity of going on a haunted-house date and jumping into your lover’s arms at every scare, there’s something about terror that we find titillating.
It’s true that every experience of tension in our bodies needs the outlet of release to follow, so it’s a normal impulse to want to follow the exaggerated tension of a spooky, scary night with the sweet release of great sex. Whipping up a sexy costume, then, is just preparing now for some erotic self-care later!
It’s body-positive
When we picture sexy costumes, probably the first image that jumps to mind involves a mainstream-beautiful, white, thin, buxom feminine model—in other words, the kind of unrealistically idealized body that makes the average person feel like crap about themselves.
But it doesn’t have to be about that. In fact, for people whose bodies fall outside mainstream beauty standards in some way, the experience of being desexualized or sexually invisible can feel deeply painful and exclusive—even to the point of feeling erased. And on an everyday basis, it may feel too risky to dress in a way that plays up your sexuality. Taking advantage of the wilder vibe on Halloween to dress in a way that celebrates your body and expresses your sexual self can be enormously empowering and liberating. It might even help you on your journey towards healing your self-image and embracing parts of your body that you struggle to love. Remember, too, that a “sexy” costume doesn’t have to be all plunging necklines and skintight spandex. Maybe your sexy is gender-fluid, or colorfully eccentric, or dramatically intimidating. It’s your decision to find what feels right, and sometimes what feels right is to outright rebel against what you’re always told you “should” look like.
(That’s why we here at Lotus Blooms make it a priority to carry apparel in an extended range of sizes from XS to 4X, and why we’re happy to help people of all genders or no gender to try out our styles. We believe everyone has the right to explore and embrace what feels sexy and pleasurable for your body.)
Want to share your sexy?
We love seeing people in all their glorious sexiness, especially when we’ve fitted them with that perfect corset or teddy that makes them feel divine. If your Halloween costume this year included our apparel, shoes, or accessories, tag your selfies with #LBHalloween to show it off to us and the world!
