Ask anyone to name a sex toy, and we’d bet good money that 9 times out of 10 they’ll say “vibrator”. Of all the wonderful objects and devices that are out there to enhance sexual pleasure, few have inspired as much curiosity, fascination, and pop culture attention as the vibrator.
And no wonder– it’s a great go-to toy that comes in so many styles, sizes, and variations that there’s something for just about anyone. It’s also a toy that can offer incredible pleasure to all genitals and even to other parts of the body like nipples, breasts, butts, thighs, or backs. (There’s a reason so many of them are discreetly marketed as “personal massage devices”!)
But with all those choices out there, how do you know where to start if you’re in the market for your first vibe or for something different from what you’ve already tried? We get it. There are hundreds of options and it can be overwhelming. We’ll be publishing more posts about vibrators in the future, but to kick things off, here’s some of our best advice for picking the one that’s right for you.
All the buzzwords (see what we did there) you need to know
First, let’s give you a quick rundown on some of the categories of vibrators that are out there for you to choose from:
- Rabbits are perhaps the best-known type– these have a longer shaft meant to be inserted, and a shorter second prong for clitoral stimulation.
- Bullets are on the smaller side– often about the size of a lipstick.
- Wands are a simple shaft style that are larger than bullets (though this also includes vibes like the Hitachi Magic Wand).
- Sucking vibes are a newer style, like the Satisfyer or the Womanizer, that combine vibrations with a sucking sensation to simulate oral sex.
- Vibrating plugs are butt plugs that include vibrators for extra anal stimulation.
- Thrusting vibrators are meant to be used internally and offer– you guessed it!– a thrusting sensation.
- Penis vibrators are designed to fit around the head or shaft of the penis for either friction or stroking sensations.
- Rings include a stretchy ring that goes around the base of the penis, with a small vibrator mounted above it that delivers sensation not just to the penis but to the wearer’s partner, who feels the vibrations with each thrust.
- Couples vibrators include ring styles, but are more generally meant to be used with one or more partners. They may have an internal and external component to help them stay in place during penetration, they may be dildos with removable vibrators to be used with strap-on harnesses, or they may be remote- or app-controlled for fun at a distance.
- While not necessarily a separate type, it’s worth mentioning that some vibrators are made to focus a lot of pleasure on the clitoris, g-spot, or prostate.
And just a few terms you’ll want to know to help you understand what you’re buying:
- Buzz describes a sensation that’s usually a little shallower-feeling, a faster and more surface vibration. If it was a sound, it would be higher-pitched than a “rumbly” vibe. If you’ve held an electric razor, that’s a buzzy feeling.
- Rumble describes a sensation that is deeper, penetrating further below the surface of the skin. It’s more like the vibration of a washing machine, motorcycle, or the “force feedback” sensations in video game controllers. Vibrators can be on a spectrum of buzzy vs. rumbly, or they can have settings that shift between buzz and rumble.
- Waterproof means that you can completely submerge it in water and it will still work. Most toys will give you a maximum depth, e.g. “waterproof up to 1 meter”.
- Splashproof means that you can get water or other moisture on the vibe, but you can’t submerge it.
- Rechargeable vibes have batteries that may or may not be sealed into the toy, that either plug into a recharging cord or have a dock to sit in. Non-rechargeable toys often require AA batteries or, in a few instances like the classic Hitachi, plug into a wall socket.
- App-controlled means that the manufacturer offers a mobile phone app that might do anything from letting you program your favorite patterns or intensities of vibrations, to coordinating the vibe with the beat of a song, to serving as an anywhere-in-the-world remote control for long-distance connection (possibly including video calling so that you can watch your lover’s face!)
- Patterns or functions usually refers to the rhythms of the vibration– many toys offer a selection you can cycle through, from a fast buzz to an evenly-spaced repetitive pulse to a more complex rhythm like three quick pulses followed by a buzz.
The last big variable you need to know about when picking out a vibe is what it’s made of– and this is really important, so check this on the label before you get too excited about any individual toy. Vibrators are often made out of non-body-safe materials, meaning that they could be toxic, cause a burning sensation, or that the material it’s made of has “pores” that are large enough to trap bacteria where they can continue to live, feed, grow, and give you an infection. Yes, you heard us right, some sex toys are dangerous because of the materials they are made out of. (And some are dangerous if you don’t know how to use them, but that’s a different post.)
Ingredients we recommend for (any) sex toys:
- ABS plastic
- Silicone
- Stainless steel
- Borosilicate glass
Ingredients we don’t recommend:
- TPR (thermoplastic rubber)
- Rubber
- Jelly
- Plastics that are not specifically labeled “ABS”
- Any version of sili-something… sili-gel, silicone blend, etc. that’s not pure and simple silicone
Research Your Toys
Now that you’re armed with all that knowledge, let’s get you started picking out a vibrator you’ll love! Since there are countless manufacturers, brands, and retailers out there, the first step is finding a shop and some brands that are reliable and have your best interests at heart. Obviously, we’d love to have you shop our wide selection of body-safe, high-quality vibrators, and as an education-based store, we’re happy to answer all your questions and help you pick out something you’ll love. The brands we carry are also ones we enthusiastically recommend, so that’s a starting place too.
If you’re looking at other brands or stores, do some research on the toys you’re looking at. In the U.S., there are NO regulations on sex toys, or even on how they’re labeled. A company can literally tell you whatever they want about their product, for example calling a toy “silicone” when it’s not. Your best bet is to look at the brands carried by stores or websites that focus heavily on body-safety and education, and to read reviews written by sex bloggers or educators who also focus on body-safety. (“Consumer report” websites listing things like “Top 10 Vibrators of 2017” are not necessarily going to be looking at safe materials or truth in labeling, and may include cheaply-made or novelty vibrators that aren’t really safe.) In the end, a lot relies on the reputation a brand has earned from the sexuality experts who DO have your best interests at heart.
You might be planning to order online because it’s easier, or you’re not quite ready to go into a store, or you don’t have a store in your area. Be careful where you order from! If the store accepts returns (we’re looking at you, Amazon, LoveHoney, and Adam & Eve), guess what could happen when someone returns something? Hint– it might end up becoming YOUR order.
Also, check to see whether the brand you’re looking at offers warranties. Many do, which gives you a far better option than a retailer that accepts returns if you get a defective toy. It also helps if, for example, your charger stops working after awhile.
How will I know what I like?
So, since we established that a return policy is not your friend, how do you pick out something that’s going to work for your body? We always recommend that, if possible, you go to an education-based adult store that has a variety of vibes on display so that you can touch them, feel the different sensations, ask questions, and know exactly what you’re getting.
If that’s not possible, you’re not out of luck! Picking out a toy isn’t a perfect science, but there are ways to narrow down the options. If you’ve never had a toy before, but have experienced sexual touch, ask yourself these questions:
- When you masturbate, what type of sensation do you gravitate towards? Fast or slow touch? Consistent or varied stimulation? Directly on the clit, around the clit, on the labia? Or internal?
- During sex with a partner, what has led to the most pleasure for you? Oral sex? Thrusting penetration? Stimulation with hands or fingers? Do you like friction sensations better, or pressure/fullness?
- Do you want something that’s made for specific areas, like clit, g-spot, or anus, or something that’s for more general, all-over use?
If you’ve had a toy before but would like another one, ask yourself these questions:
- What do you like about your previous toys? Flexibility? Soft or rigid? Girthy or slim? Power level?
- What did you not like about your previous toy? Batteries died too fast? The rabbit ears didn’t reach your clit? The handle wasn’t easy to hold?
- What did you wish your toy was better at?
- Was your toy more buzzy or more rumbly, or did it do both? Did you like what it did, or are you looking for a different type of sensation?
If you’re just starting out with vibrators, here’s a couple things to ask yourself or keep in mind:
- Do you want a toy that’s just for masturbating by yourself, or do you want something you could share with a partner?
- Does it matter to you to have a very quiet motor?
- Vibration can feel very intense the first times it’s used on your genitals. Finding a vibe that has a nice low starting point can still give you a lot of pleasure! More power isn’t always better.
- Just because the rabbit works for your best friend, doesn’t mean it’s your perfect toy or even that you’ll like it at all. That also doesn’t mean you’re “broken” or that anything is wrong with you. News flash- your bodies are different, and so are your experiences with touch and pleasure. That’s NORMAL!
- Getting comfortable using a vibrator is part of the experience. Don’t stress if it doesn’t work for you right away or if it feels good at first but then becomes too much. What does “work” mean? As long as it feels good, it’s working. Don’t put the pressure of orgasm on yourself right away. Just explore and enjoy learning your body better!
Finally, here are some things to look for in a great starter vibe:
- Having the ability to increase or decrease the intensity. Some toys only have one button to cycle through, which is also fine, but it’s nice to be able to try out different levels of sensation when you’re starting out.
- Something with both a tip and some surface area, so you can explore pinpointed AND spread out stimulation, lets you explore more widely and gives you options to keep using it even if one area feels a little too sensitive one day.
- Something that could possibly lay flat between bodies, so it can be both for couples play and solo play– even if you’re not currently partnered!
- Nothing too powerful. We love the Hitachi Magic Wand for many things, but just because it’s in a lot of porn, in Sex and the City, and is verrrry powerful, doesn’t mean it’s the best vibe to start out with. In fact, for exactly these reasons, we encourage starting with something else.
If you’re interested in exploring internal stimulation specifically, keep the following in mind:
- Girth of the toy is going to matter more than length when it comes to size. If something is too long, just don’t use it all the way in. If something is too girthy, it will make penetration uncomfortable.
- Even if an internal toy doesn’t work well with your anatomy (wrong angle, too long, too girthy, etc) doesn’t mean it’s a waste. You can simply use it externally for hours of fun!
- When considering a rabbit vibe (something with internal and external stimulation capacities), look for one with flexible “ears”. That way you can manipulate them to hit the right spot! Because everyone’s vagina and clit are different, the shape and length of rabbit vibes will impact whether or not it will work with your body
- While something soft and squishy tends to sound good to the brain, internally, the g-spot tends to respond really well to weight and pressure, not just vibration. Having a more rigid toy that is able to rock against the g-spot without bending tends to be super pleasurable.
No matter what you end up getting, remember to also grab a good body-safe lube (make sure it’s not silicone-based if your new toy is silicone!) and use plenty of it with your vibrator. Picking up a good toy cleaner spray like Mighty Tidy or wipes like AfterGlow makes for quick and easy bedside cleanup, too!
Questions? Comments? Got a favorite vibe recommendation? Drop them here or contact us. You can also check out our posts on why it’s worth it to invest in a more expensive vibrator, or our lowdown on rabbit vibrators. Stay tuned for a post on penis vibrators and future posts that go into more detail on other vibe styles as well!
