February is the month of love, connection, visits to Lotus Blooms, thinking about your heart, your partner, your relationship, maybe getting a vibrator… Ok, perhaps we added some things in there you weren’t thinking of, but otherwise we’re totally with you– let’s talk about relationships!
You may or may not be familiar with the “The 5 Love Languages” created by Gary Chapman. Short version, it’s a framework that introduces 5 general ways in which we communicate love to each other:
- Giving and Receiving Gifts
- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
Most people have 1 or 2 love languages that work really well for them while the others matter less or not at all**. Chapman suggests that people naturally give love in the same way that they prefer to receive love. But since we’re all about *better* communication here at Lotus Blooms, we encourage you to decipher not just your own love languages, but also your partner’s. That lets you learn to show love to your partner in the ways that mean the most to them, as well as being aware of all the ways they communicate their love to you. Whether you have read the original work or not, join us as Lotus Blooms adds its own twist to the framework to suggest sex-positive, inclusive, and overall pleasurable ways to speak your lover’s language. So save yourself a trip to the bookstore (or not, bookstores are lovely) and read on for the first of our 5 posts in our new series, In Full Bloom: Lessons in Love & Language!
We’re starting this week with the language of giving and receiving gifts because, full disclosure, we’re a retail establishment. Ok, we’re partially joking. We’re actually starting with this bloom of love because we see this one get misinterpreted every day. Gifts are great in one form or another for all love styles, but how do you know what to get? What if they hate it? What if you can’t afford the perfect gift? Take a deep breath, because you can get the perfect gift and we’re going to show you how.
**Relationship and Sexuality Therapist factoid:
The love languages you tend to use the most are the ones you saw your parents use during early developmental years. It creates a “love map” in your brain, and while it is influenced by time and experiences, those imprints are very resistant to change–best learn to work with them!
We’re starting this week with the language of receiving gifts because, full disclosure, we’re a retail establishment. Ok, we’re partially joking. We actually are starting with this bloom of love because we see this one get misinterpreted everyday. Gifts work for all of the blooms of love but how do you know what to get? What if they hate it? What if I can’t afford the perfect gift? Take a deep breath because you can get the perfect gift and we’re going to show you how.
The good news: The great thing about people who love receiving gifts is that just having a tangible gift in their hands brings them joy, and it just increases the more personally-meaningful that item is. As much as many of us love a good gift card, for our lovers who are super into gifts, it can feel aloof or impersonal. It would be best to really think about your beloved and what they desire or treasure, and then get a physical thing that echoes that thought. Often, that’s the most expensive part — your time. People who truly speak the language of receiving gifts do not always need an expensive one to be happy.
So if you partner is a receiving gifts bloomer, what do you get them?
Is Your Partner a Gift Lover?
How can you tell if your partner speaks the language of gifts?
- They get excited about giving items as gifts;
- They make a big deal out of gift-giving occasions like birthdays;
- They often collect souvenirs or things that have stories attached;
- They’re thrilled, not embarassed, by lavish gifts;
- They will show off and talk about their favorite gifts;
- They help others by donating items or food over money.
Start by listening and consider exploration. Sometimes we have customers who begrudgingly buy anal toys so that they can give the unenthusiastic gift of anal sex. Look, we’re all about some anal sex, but only when the people involved are excited, curious, and maybe just a *little* nervous! The point is not to offer some Gift of the Magi (or is that Gift of the Vag-i?) where we sacrifice something to give, “ugh, get it over with” sex– your gift-loving partner cares that you’re enthusiastic about what you’re giving as well. Instead of investing money in exploration you’re not at all interested in, find untried desires that you can both be excited about. We encourage people to complete a Yes/No/Maybe list with their partners to find areas of play you haven’t previously thought about. Once you’ve completed the list, buy a gift inspired by that conversation. The gift of listening AND fun sex? Win, win!
You could also get a vibrator. What? You thought you were going to get through a Lotus Blooms blog post without us suggesting sex toys? You have not been reading carefully, my friend. Our sex toys are high quality and come in a range of shapes, sizes, materials, and intensities, with something sure to please your gift-loving partner. I have some fast suggestions in our holiday gift guide blog post, but if you want a little more help, check out some of our other posts like this one on rabbit-style vibes or come into the store! Prices range from under $100 to $500, and cover a wide variety of needs like strap-on, beginner-friendly, toys for penises, toys for that evasive g-spot,… as always, our goal is pleasure for every body!
Still at a loss? Some people already have all the vibes or toys in the world (those lucky, lucky folks) so buying something for them can be overwhelming. This is why we created wish lists so that your partner can give you a general idea of what they would like and you can get the gift that fits perfectly for them and your budget. Pop a card into the bag and you’re all set with the gift that really speaks your love’s language!
Just as you’re getting your brain turning, we want to stress something: people who speak the receiving gifts language love the thought that went into the gift and the fact that it’s a physical item as much as the item itself. Almost anything you give them that shows you had them in mind will make them feel loved. Imagine yourself a cat that brings home lots of little “treasures” with pride. If your partner hasn’t reacted as excitedly as you would have hoped from your gifts in the past (maybe a live cricket wasn’t the best choice), there is also a chance that receiving gifts isn’t their primary love language. That’s ok! There are four more to go and we have suggestions for all of them. Stay tuned!
