The Educator Holiday Gift Guide 2017/2018 series is a weekly series of posts from Lotus Blooms educators. It covers OUR holiday season, which runs through Valentine’s Day!
This week, we’re giving Lauren a well-deserved break from blog writing because I’m the other person at Lotus Blooms who actually loves to write! So hi everyone—Diva Darling here with my holiday gift guide, as we make the transition from the earlier winter holidays towards Valentine’s Day. (If the mention of V-day made you shudder, HANG ON—I’m not about the couple-centric Hallmark approach!)
I do marketing for Lotus Blooms (have you signed up for our email list?) and you may also have seen me in the store leading workshops and events. When I’m not talking up Lotus Blooms with the fervor of a cultist, I’m a burlesque/nightclub performer, emcee, and theatrical producer. I’m also the co-producer and co-host of Smut Slam DC with my Sparklefemme Power partner extraordinaire and Lotus Blooms colleague Mindi Mimosa.
Smut Slam DC is a monthly storytelling open mic that’s all about sex—real-life, first-person stories told by audience members. It’s in 14 cities around the world now, and Mindi and I created the very first franchise with the blessing of founder Cameryn Moore. (Fun fact: Lotus Blooms hosted the first official Smut Slam DC event to a sold out crowd on Valentine’s Day 2016!) One of my favorite things about it is that, in addition to stories, the audience can write down anonymous questions and confessions to put in a bucket, and Mindi and I draw from them to read aloud between stories. No one expects a storytelling slam in a bar to be a sex ed class, and yet we always get fantastic questions that challenge us to give well-informed answers on a huge variety of topics, totally off the cuff.
That’s why I chose my experience hosting the show as the focus for my gift guide—because the things that always strike me are 1) how universal the questions are, and how our desires and fantasies and insecurities are so much more normal than any of us think, and 2) how many of the questions we get are about figuring out how to start exploring something new. This is a gift guide aimed at some of the most common things we end up talking about onstage, and especially at those who are ready to try something they’ve always wanted with themselves or their partner(s).
The Cersei Underbust Corset in Black Leather ($169)
Being burlesque performers and Auntie-Mames-in-training, Mindi and I like to get fabulous for our shows. Corsets are one of the few pieces of clothing that work as well out on the town as they do for a steamy night in. For my money, it’s almost impossible to go wrong with the Cersei. Its buttery-soft leather, sleek lines, and striking steel latches are 100% “dangerous curves ahead” sexy, while its tough construction and steel boning make it perfect for shaping yet comfortable as a hug. It travels from the bedroom to the BDSM club and even to the Renn Faire (where we hear the natural leather and dark brown leather versions are especially popular!) What’s more, I’ve yet to see anyone who didn’t look and feel fantastic in it, regardless of size or body type. I’m a plus-size person, and our size range comfortably fits me. (I’m also pretty proud that Lotus Blooms makes a point of carrying a wide range of apparel sizes without charging a “fat tax” on bigger sizes.)
The Njoy Pure Wand ($110)
It’s no coincidence that the Pure Wand is shaped like a smile, because you won’t be able to wipe yours off your face after playing with this marvelous toy! I’m a huge fan of all our Njoy toys, partly because they generously sponsor prizes for every Smut Slam around the world every month. But producer bias aside, this is a luxurious, high-end toy that truly offers pleasure for every body. You can’t beat it for gift presentation—gleaming silver steel nestled in a bed of pink satin in an elegant black box embossed with a silver logo; it’s the Tiffany of sex toy gifts. We get a lot of questions about G-spot play, squirting, and prostate stimulation, and the Pure Wand has you covered for all of it. Its bulb ends and curves are perfect for G-spot and P-spot stim, and the weightiness and smoothness of the steel encourage mind-blowing orgasms that can include squirting. Medical-grade stainless steel means you can get it ultra-clean between uses, and if you haven’t played with metal toys, there’s a whole new world of sensation waiting for you to discover the feeling of going from slightly (or even sadistically!) chilly to downright hot as your body temperature heats it up.
The Bound Collection Rainbow Weighted Steel Butt Plug in Small ($109)
Kisses may begin with Kay, but butt stuff begins with Bound! Imagine your partner’s tears of joy when you get down on one knee before your beloved, slide the lid off the box, present them with a huge, glittering gem, and ask them that long-awaited question: “[Beloved], will you peg* me?”
OK, silliness aside—we get so many questions about anal play that we’ve occasionally had Slams we refer to as “the butt stuff show”. So if you’re self-conscious about your curiosity about booty play, please let me assure you that you are SO normal and SO not alone! Lotus Blooms has a huge variety of products and toys and books for anal pleasure, so it was hard to pick just one. I went with our in-house line of bejeweled plugs because, well, I’m all about being fabulous and sparkly AT ALL TIMES and also because—again—steel toys are easy to clean and offer extra layers of sensation. You can get plain silver steel or this beautiful (and new!) titanium-coated unicorn-rainbow-colored steel in small, medium, or large. It’s a great introduction to anal play, because not only are plugs delightful on their own, but you can leave them in to enhance other types of sex play—penetrative, kinky, solo. And if you have a whimsical sense of humor like me, you can unscrew the gem and replace it with one of our other plug accessories such as our cowbell…because sometimes what sex needs is MORE COWBELL.
*OK, I know that’s not technically pegging, but you have to admit it has a certain romantic poetry to it.
Clover Nipple Clamps ($19)
Another thing I field a lot of questions about onstage is kink, in all its glorious variety—and especially, for recommendations for toys for those exploring the spicier side of sex. Sure, everyone thinks of floggers and bondage right away, but don’t overlook the power of nipple play! Not everyone loves or can tolerate nipple play, but many do, and some folks even reach orgasm with that alone. (Put that in your old-timey sexist “mature orgasm” pipe and smoke it, Freud!) Nipple clamps are a fantastically devious way to deliver pleasurable pain in different intensities, and clover clamps offer even more options for fun. The difference between clover and other types of clamps is that they pinch tighter the harder you tug on the base. Ours have clips at the base, so you can leave them separate but hang small weighted objects from them (never misplace your car keys while at the fetish club again!), or connect them with chain so that the natural movement of the breasts/chest creates a series of tugs.
If you or your partner(s) also likes really intense clitoral stimulation, pick up a second set so that you can connect three of them with a “Y” of chain, attach to both nipples and to the clit, and combine with some other kind of play that’ll have the bottom wriggling—and tugging. (Two notes: first, unless you’re experienced with them, remove clover clamps SLOWLY and lightly massage the pinched area if the “aftershock” sensation is too intense; and second, because these have rubbery pads lining the clips, use unlubricated finger cots or a dental dam between the clip and the clit to keep the pads clean.)
Venom Padded Cuffs ($69)
Not so sure about the pain aspects of BDSM, but definite about the bondage? If you’re just starting out with your kinky exploration, padded leather cuffs like Venom are one of the best first investments you can make. These are from our in-house Bound Leatherworks line, so they’re high-quality constructed to our specifications. Sure, it’s tempting to just pull out a scarf or necktie, or to chase that fantasy of locking/getting locked up in steel handcuffs—but cuffs are actually a safer way to bind someone when you’re less experienced. The padding is comfortable, you can buckle them to be sexily snug without cutting off circulation, and the rings mean that you can use quick-release metal clips or carabiners to join them. No keys to lose, no poorly-tied knots you might have to cut through, no bruising or chafing or tightening if the bottom likes to struggle.
OMGYes Season 1 Access Card ($39)
Another common theme I see in our anonymous questions or confessions are from people with vulvas who are frustrated or unhappy with their bodies or with the difficulty of trying to tell lovers how to give them pleasure. I’m taking the high-tech route to tout an innovative web-based service called OMGYes, for which Lotus Blooms is the first and only retail outlet. OMGYes is a whole new way to learn about your or your partner’s body. It’s a website designed as a “season” of 12 “episodes”, each of which focus on different techniques for and aspects of manually pleasuring vulvas and clitorises. It was created based on in-depth research with women aged 18-95 and includes a total of 62 videos, including—ready for this?—11 touchable videos. That’s right, using this with a touchscreen allows you to practice techniques and get feedback. That means not guessing about whether you did it right when you try it out with yourself or a partner, just finding out whether it’s something you or they enjoy. Besides the tech-geekout factor, I think the thing I’m most excited about by OMGYes is how it centers women’s pleasure and orgasm as meaningful and important and worthy of extensive study.
(Side note: Yes, Season 1 does conflate “woman” with “having a vulva/clitoris”, however the company producing it involves people across the spectrum of orientation and gender and plans to address these things more in-depth as their work continues, including doing research specifically focused on the pleasure needs of people who have transitioned.)
Workshops! ($25 per person in advance)
There are so many times at Slams that I’ve gotten questions onstage and said, “Hey, we’ve got a workshop coming up at Lotus Blooms exactly for that!” that I’ve lost count! Did you know that nearly every Sunday from 7-9 PM (and sometimes at other days and times as well), we offer in-store workshops on everything from kink to oral sex to sensual massage, even to sex and cannabis? We rotate through our in-house catalog taught by staff educators (including yours truly) and also bring in guest educators who are highly respected in their fields. I like to compare it to being a foodie: You might love to cook, but the way you learned was probably a haphazard mix of parental guidance, watching stuff on TV, trying to teach yourself with the help of books and the internet, and maybe being lucky enough to have one or more skilled partners to show you some things. Coming to our workshops is like taking cooking lessons in the parts you like best, whether it’s (sexy) baking or (sexy) pasta-making. Everyone is welcome here, the atmosphere is always relaxed and lighthearted, and we’re happy to answer all your questions. It makes a great friend date (really!) as well as a sensual date-date.
Picture it: Romantic, cobblestoned Old Town Alexandria; strolling past lovely boutiques and cafes; stopping for dinner and a glass of wine in some cozy little bistro; and then winding up the evening in the lush interior of Lotus Blooms, where it’s all velvet upholstery and Victorian furniture and beautiful items artfully displayed, and you’re learning something you can take right home to bed. How is that not winning at gifts?
I’ve still barely touched on so many of the things we carry that I would enthusiastically recommend for gifts, so as I wrap this up (so to speak) and send you off with a head full of ideas, I want to leave you with just a couple of thoughts.
First and most importantly, Valentine’s Day can be really fraught for a lot of people—there’s so much pressure to be not just coupled-up but to do it with “perfect” amazing sex and breathtaking romance. I would urge you, if you can, to let all that go and instead see it as a chance to be mindful and loving towards yourself and your partner(s) if you have them. Step out of the everyday crush of stress and busy, and give yourself the gift of exploring your own pleasure and delight. If you have someone or more with whom you choose to share intimacy, let it be a time to enjoy each other in a relaxed, open way without a lot of fixed expectations.
Second, buying sex-related gifts for someone else can be anxiety-provoking even if you know them well—we get it! Don’t forget that we offer gift cards. A sexy shopping trip together can turn your gift into a whole date night, or they can surprise you with whatever they bring home or order from our site.
And finally, the educators at Lotus Blooms are always happy to answer your questions, explain how products work, and help you make decisions if you’re stuck trying to choose a great gift. We’ve gotten every kind of question, and we’re familiar with all kinds of relationships and identities, so if we can’t help you directly, we can surely point you towards someone who can!
Check out Lauren’s, Hancie’s, Alyssa’s, Teal’s, and Mindi’s gift guides for more gift ideas and product recommendations!
