As part of our “March Comes with a ROAR” theme for National Women’s History Month this year, we decided to program all of our workshops for March around the theme of women’s sexual empowerment. It’s fitting, I think, that we’re starting off with a workshop called “Ask for Your Pleasure” that’s designed to help all of us who identify as women with one of the things that can be hardest for all of us– speaking up on our own behalf when it comes to sex, love, intimacy, pleasure, and partnership.

Who among us hasn’t struggled to “use our words”, after a lifetime of being told to be quiet, talk less, let the men speak, not cause trouble, not be too demanding, not be naggy or shrill or bossy or needy or whatever adjective is most successful at getting us to shut up? The irony is that if we’re with a partner who loves us and cares about our happiness, a lot of the time, they would LOVE to know what would give us more pleasure…and yet, a sentence as simple as, “Could you keep doing exactly that, but about a half-inch to the right?” can be just as hard as having a Big Talk about an ongoing problem.

And somehow, doesn’t it often feel like you’re the only one who stays silent when you wish you’d spoken up?

We surveyed a lot of the women we know in order to gather some examples of things that they wish they could say or ask, but never do. Here are some of them:

  • “I have so many fantasies I want to try, but I feel weird bringing them up except in a joking way. I feel like he’d be supportive, but find my kinks too weird to put into practice.”
  • “I had a partner who didn’t like physical intimacy, but I love to be touched. I felt like every time I asked for it, I got shot down for wanting sex all the time, so I stopped asking.”
  • “I do not like oral sex performed on me. Yes, it’s true. No, it’s not cause I just ‘haven’t had YOU go down on me yet.’ It’s not a suggestion, and I’m really sorry if it’s one of your favorite activities, but it does zero for me. So please, let’s not waste our time. I can come a million other ways, so let’s just skip that and move along!”
  • “I really want to have sex with multiple partners at once.”
  • “I’ve never had an orgasm…not with you, or anyone.”
  • “Can I be your submissive? I have a lot of fantasies about what that would be like…”
  • “How do I tell her that I actually really do want to have sex with her when she’s on her period?”
  • “What would turn me on? If you did the dishes before you asked me for sex.”
  • “I want to explore that fantasy with you, but I’ve only ever done that with people who are experienced…how do I not screw up your first time for you?”
  • “Having sex with you is kind of boring…not bad, just not exciting. I don’t know how to say that and fix it without hurting you.”
  • “I wish I could ask if he still thinks I’m sexy…because I’m afraid maybe he doesn’t.”
  • “There were so many times with partners that I wanted to say that I didn’t feel like having sex, but I went along with it anyway because I felt like it was easier than talking about why I wasn’t interested.”

Any of those sound familiar? If so, if you’re in the DC/Northern Virginia area, come out to the store this Sunday for our “Ask for Your Pleasure” workshop and learn some great tools for opening up and having those conversations. Teal and Lauren are experienced educators who always set a welcoming, warm, fun atmosphere where it’s easy to share and bond with each other while you’re gaining great skills.

What do YOU wish you could say to your partner(s), past, present, or hypothetical? Tell us in the comments if you’re feeling bold, or if you’d rather keep it totally anonymous, write it here in our “Speak Easier” survey box and we’ll update this post as we get more responses!

Create your own user feedback survey

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This